It’s almost the end of the year.
Can you believe it?
Here I am writing this post and thinking about all the things that I have experienced, learned, and wish I have gotten to do. All I can say is this – next year is a new year with new beginnings and unexpected things. What I truly want to next year to be, for me, is to be a year of experiences and peace.
This year, I came up with a WORD to help me direct my journey. However, that has failed. Multiple times. The word for me was discipline, which I actually struggle with at times.
Since I have started school, it’s been a struggle for me to focus on my studies, mostly because I am anxious and overwhelmed with how much effort I have to put in daily (and how much reading and writing I have to do). I know that I can’t place my thoughts about school in that way, especially if I made the decision to attend it. It’s something that I am working on, but I’ll get there.
Like right now, I am supposed to be writing a 4-page paper due tomorrow, and I haven’t really started yet!
You see, my lack of motivation is not up there yet. But I have chosen this path, and I have to keep at it unless the Lord says otherwise.
But let me not digress.
This post is supposed to be about some things I have learned about myself that I have taken more notice of. Some are good, and some are not so good, but acknowledging them is good for me to see where I am at and where I want to be.
These lessons could also be good for you if you’re struggling with these things too.
I sometimes use shopping to fill a void in my life.
Ever since I started my job, and even before starting my Masters, all I wanted to do is go shopping. It’s something I have noticed after seeing having no money in my bank account, after shopping, and wishing that I had something to buy this or that particular item.
Now, I do buy my essential items first. But later on, when I feel bored or want to do something, I tend to shop. I usually go to Target (shake my head) or online to browse things, that I usually don’t need. Then, after that, I have nothing in the bank.
The devil is busy these days yall.
It’s something that I hate doing to myself and when it finally hits me, as of a few days ago, I couldn’t be that person ever again. I think about all the things I have that I don’t usually buy and it’s filling up my room for no dang reason!
So starting now, next year, and over time, I will not be buying items to just fill a void or emptiness in my life. I want next year to be about experiences and stories I could tell to my family and friends, rather than the top I bought from rue21 or H&M.
I would like to say though that I am still wanting to buy myself an Olympus camera for a more advanced blogging and personal purposes.
However, I don’t want to buy anything anymore, unless I needed.
Weirdly, it’s a bit sad to have to learn this late in my age about selfish spending when I have all these responsibilities in my life that I have got to complete.
I get really really anxious and overwhelmed about things.
Ever since I’ve started graduate school, I’ve become overwhelmed to the point that I need to take a breather. However, these “breather” become procrastination, and I end up finishing my school work the day the assignment is due. This has also happened with my blog and I started making plans about things to the point that when the time came for me to get right into it, I flake to the point of procrastination.
It’s not like I don’t want to accomplish graduate school, I think it’s the fact that there are so many things to do, I get nervous about not getting it all done. I guess you can say that I’m a perfectionist -ish.
I go back to things that aren’t healthy for me.
This is something I have involved myself in for the last few years of my life. I guess you can say that I am a person that doesn’t give up on things, even if I take breaks in between. But this year, I decided that it’s now or never that I need to move along with my life. I’ve tried to work things out but in the end, working things out may not be the solution. It’s hard to move forward though, but I have to tell myself it’s certainly for the best.
What is the one thing you’ve learned about yourself this year?